Turn off the lights!

 

The mind, the heart, and the soul are all tired. It happens on a sunny day when the pinnacle of failure was crushing the thoughts and letting aside the emotions. I could feel the emptiness evolving into a pitch dark hole. The hole would suck everything within the surrounding. That hurts, right?

I am living in a world that has nicknamed itself smother. Here, people strangle the throat of each other who dares to choose love and peace over ingenuity and deceit. The millennial jokes are getting outdated and so is love. It has made a home for someone else which had once sheltered me. This world has learned to replace the last sip of coffee at the airport with a glass of wine at the bar. The picture wrapped inside your favorite frame that was placed beside your bed in your old house is being replaced with some gaudy portraits to enhance its beauty, emotional goodbyes has overtook insensible ghosting and decent closures have left making way for crude blocking. Distraughted thoughts and emotional burnouts have turned synonymous with insanity, the incapability of not being able to love less.

Here’s to the anthem of a poor soul, you are going to die. Yes, you will die. The depth of hell is shivery, darkness is the only way forward as it is a tunnel with no opening. But death doesn’t come to those who are anticipating it. Death is whimsical and so is life. But the anticipation of death is so heavy for an average heart that wishes to die every day, yet death doesn’t choose them. So, one day they put aside their cowardice to fill their heart with artsy courage and choose death themselves.

The saga doesn’t end here. Like a protagonist of a screenplay, hope captures the center stage and you forget about death. You might argue that we are been on the same page in life but listen, we aren't. I lost my heart because my brain would be farting the same 'never give up on death' shit, excluding the emotional support it needed. The scenario from pathetic to rotten and it eroded all the moments of innocence. Sounds philosophical, but it isn't!

My soul went away when the heart stopped the emotions. The soul was much happier being the catalyst in learning, unlearning, and re-learning. There were reminiscences of how it was done in the past. But right now, it wasn't. The soul wasn't happy, neither was the heart or the brain. They all went separate ways to bring themselves peace. The exasperated sensation provoked by the counterfeit pushed me to death. My knees bled as I tried to crawl, I shedded my adulterated skin and cracked my knuckles to break the silence that has been haunting me for a long.

But he enclosed my liberated thoughts into sanity. He crossed my path when my chest was pressing against the coarse ground of pain. When I insisted to him that people don’t understand what I say, he looked into my eyes and said “insanity is never meant to be understood”. Every evening the crowd visits the museum where they have exhibited an imaginary portrait of myself to check whether it has collapsed or not. But insanity can never turn into nothingness, he said to me once.

A necessary impact it had. Look, I am not trying to propose an idea but when everything is distorted, everything is crumbling, then you start moving towards the depths of darkness. Conflict tiptoes into your mind, body, and heart. It almost feels like your subconscious desire to feel love will escape with his departure as Kafka said “it would be better if you didn’t come since you would only have to leave again”, his sprawled words will fall from the sky and bathe you in grief, his touch would turn into a feverish buzz and his image in your mind will droop under the weight of your insanity. You will turn into nothingness.

Art credit: @kang.cono