Encounter with Alexithymia!

I don't like feelings.

Honestly, if I had a choice, I probably would like to ignore the fact that they exist altogether. Expressing my feelings makes me feel vulnerable, and I worry that telling the people in my life how I feel could drive them away.

The technical term for a difficulty in identifying and describing emotions is Alexithymia. Alexithymia is defined as someone having trouble defining and explaining how they feel.

1-: People who can’t express their feelings may be very sensitive.

Most of the time, people don't even realize they feel hurt because they haven't said anything about it. But people just because some people hide their feelings doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Those who have trouble expressing their feelings may be extremely sensitive to even the smallest issues. They might find it exhausting to deal with these emotions all the time, so they think the best thing to do is just not say anything. Even more, they may fear being rejected if they do open up about their emotions.

2-: Sarcasm might be used instead of conflict.

You may be someone who likes to avoid conflict at all costs. If expressing emotion will result in creating conflict and chaos around you, you will opt to not be expressive. You may be afraid of your own anger, confrontation, or conflict with others. If you’re this type of person, you may even use sarcasm in order to steer clear of conflict.

A common fear often related to having difficulty expressing emotions is the fear of conflict. Negative, troubling emotions such as anger or resentment can result in a fear of expressing these emotions directly because they might lead to conflict.

3-: Being vulnerable can be pretty scary.

Sensitivity and attempts to avoid emotional vulnerability are often associated with difficulty expressing emotions. The fear of vulnerability is ultimately a fear of rejection or abandonment. You have been hurt before, so you are trying to avoid being hurt again.

Putting yourself out there can be a pretty terrifying thing in general. If you’ve had a bad experience in the past, it may be even more difficult for you to open yourself up to the people around you.

Pasting the 4th point, but I don't feel the same as it says.

4-: Brushing off feelings is not an uncommon reaction.

We live in a world where being upset about things can sometimes be taken as a sign of weakness. Setting your feelings aside can be described as “Emotional Perfectionism.”  It’s where you think you should always be rational and in control of your emotions so you do not appear weak and vulnerable. It can be very difficult setting your feelings aside and not airing them out to those around you.

5-: People dealing with alexithymial may hope anyone close to them understands how they feel.

People who don't express their feelings may magically want you to realize they're upset and fix things without saying a word. They want to be acknowledged, but they may struggle to find the right words to express what they're feeling when they’re feeling it.

They have to work very hard to read cues around them. (They also work hard trying to) trust people to give them feedback about how they are behaving — even if they don’t see it. They can improve if they trust a person enough to allow them to give them feedback.

A very relatable and a point that actually describes my state at times is the next one.

Maybe someone close to you died, or maybe you went through a toxic breakup that closed you off from expressing how upset you were. Maybe a friend betrayed you, and you can't really imagine you won't get hurt again by opening up to someone else so you may have built a wall around your heart in order to protect it.

This is classical repression. When the life event is experienced as traumatic to the individual, sometimes the psyche will bury that event as a way to help you cope with the trauma. Repression is a complex psychological process that is designed to help cope with trauma that’s happening subconsciously. The best way to address repression is with a mental health professional.

6-: “Unexpressed emotion” can be the result of being hurt in the past.

Sometimes unexpressed emotion has to do with past hurt that hasn’t been resolved. Because you might be resolving past hurt you are dealing with aspects of yourself that are unexplored and you are not able to express that to others.

Again, it’s important to keep in mind these points differ from person to person. But if you’re feeling like this, or if you know someone who expresses themselves in this kind of way, knowing where they’re coming from may help you better understand what it’s like to be going through this.

Overanalyzed days igniting the insights to roll over to the next shell of existence.

Looking forward to hear your rythms in your old pristine style.

Wishing health, safety and peace of mind.