Crossroads

14th June 2019 one of my very cherished friend died due to cardiac arrest. The world turned upside down as heart crippled with thoughts and brain paralyzed by an immobile yet assassin's style. Even a flick of goosebump would do harm to and nothing, nothing we could do to save his memory or moments with us.

Personally, I wasn't even able to reach out to hear him. I regret it, definitely regret it like hell. That day when I heard the news, my body couldn't cry. It felt as if my emotions are encapsulated within my eyes. My eyes could feel those tears yet they won't come out. I could see them gathering in eye lids and feel how they were pushing each other to become liberated and yet they weren't coming out and, no matter what I do they're sticking inside as inside a boiling pressure cooker. It was hard to admit, even harder to accept how fragile my soul, emotions and heart were. Everything came out bubbling, like in movies when a nerve is cut the blood spills like hurricane of waterfall- splashing, spinning as if the giant wheels of DNA resided. So I waited, and waited long enough to tap those stereotypes of a man, regardless of people, emotions and most importantly sentiments which I saw in others while passing the clock like a man waiting for turn to confess the brutality of his deeds.

Till yesterday, my vision was blurry and the emotions meddling inside my body were a lot blurrier. They suddenly woke up in the middle of the night to pen themselves down forgetting the fact, that the paper wasn't ready to soak words dipped in salty water. Miraculously, everyone survived including the paper, those words and the unorganized phrases. It left my body aching and tired, which illusioned as chair and table, as bed with pillow respectively! The exhausting culture of those emotions left me awakened till 1 in the noon. I had my brush and breakfast till 2 and decided to give a glance to those unsponsored, unspoken and uninspiring words of despair. The effect was truthfully devastating to an extent where rationalising didn't seem a choice. All that was left for me was, to take a bath and sleep with head held high, full of regrets but with a thin hope of not to partner with ignorance again. So I went to take a bath, switched on the shower and sat beneath the water drops which would gently make me calm. After a while, I realized the horrific nature of human fragility. My bathroom never had a shower yet my body beneath my neck was soaked in fear. My hands were trembling and from those eyes were oozing barrages of tears like a flower blooming by spreading aroma. The whole aching and shivering was liberated in an instant. It let me wonder again what it feels to be a human, what it feels like to be a human again!