Sun seeker
We are never prepared for what we expect - James A. Michener.
While working in office I had some free time to research about topics which are in my fields of interest. So, I came across a Huffington post, about abortion in India and why it is failing its women in so many fronts. People might have wondered about it, so I'll have my own story regarding a taboo.
First about me, most of you won't know, I had an abortion few years back. It was when I turned 14, me and my partner were all gung ho after our first drinking session. When we started there was no one to stop, things came like storm and roads we travelled weren't prepared for, circumstances made it worse and had no choice but to Abort. I thought I am a murderer who killed something called, a child. Killed a life of own. Saw heartbeats of child (in an ultrasonic before abortion), in dreams and front of inner eyes. Through years of fighting, it was better sometimes, thought am done and sometimes it hurted so badly, i can't even forget. I had problems with the pre-op room in hospital. There was a hanging clock in the room i was laying, all alone for minutes (in mind it seemed like hours) waiting for my doctors. While alone, some strange thoughts crossed "why am I here??", what will they get out of my body??, and the clock went ‘tic tac, tic tac…’. This was running through my mind. I got immensely nervous and panicked watching the clock. It reminded me of the hospital, the child. It’s crazy how this seemingly unimportant things got stuck in your mind.
While therapy, I had different approach towards abortion. I think it all started before, with gossips around, thoughts and many more. Communication and sharing things, no matter how often, how long and with whom, is nearly always the key.
Perhaps it makes the situation no better, but it can get out of your mind for a while, you can change its perspectives. I didn’t kill the child, I didn’t do an abortion. I really hate this word ‘abortion’ sometimes. I think it’s in many cases just a termination of pregnancy. A termination of something you are not ready for. For whatever reason, it might be because you are too young like in my case Or don’t have money for taking care Or not in the mental condition to get one OR it could be everything. Think its over, when you're not ready for it, it’s better for the kid to be somewhere else. I mean, I am not religious, I don’t believe in heaven, but I think my child is somewhere in the universe, perhaps in the sea. At the same time, it’s always with me, a part of me.
To get back to abortion in India and why I wanted to write something about it.
In India abortion is legal, it was one of the first country where abortion got legalized. Till now under certain circumstances like, you need to be married, your physical or mental health is endangered by the pregnancy, or the child is disabled. And then you go and beg to government. Is it not enough for the doctor to decide are you in the condition OR not too late in your weeks of pregnancy to terminate???. Also, the social stigma here according to abortions is very bad. I saw a YouTube-video here in India which was against abortion and it was really horrible. They just played sad music, and made statements like ‘the child has a heartbeat’ ‘it can hear music since this and this week of pregnancy’ ‘you are a murderer’, they make you feel guilty.
Even I was upset for rest of the day after watching. And thats when I started thinking about writing something on it. I mean I know I can’t change the whole stigma here. But there are for sure already organisation and people who are pro-abortion. It is important for me to write this down. What I learned from past year would be one thing, that is you can’t change people's opinion, regardless of where they live and who they're. But it’s pretty important to tell your experience, to talk about subjects which are taboo issues. Because perhaps you can change the opinion of one person, and help another one with your experience. And that’s it.
In India abortion is legal, it was one of the first country where abortion got legalized. Till now under certain circumstances like, you need to be married, your physical or mental health is endangered by the pregnancy, or the child is disabled. And then you go and beg to government. Is it not enough for the doctor to decide are you in the condition OR not too late in your weeks of pregnancy to terminate???. Also, the social stigma here according to abortions is very bad. I saw a YouTube-video here in India which was against abortion and it was really horrible. They just played sad music, and made statements like ‘the child has a heartbeat’ ‘it can hear music since this and this week of pregnancy’ ‘you are a murderer’, they make you feel guilty.
Even I was upset for rest of the day after watching. And thats when I started thinking about writing something on it. I mean I know I can’t change the whole stigma here. But there are for sure already organisation and people who are pro-abortion. It is important for me to write this down. What I learned from past year would be one thing, that is you can’t change people's opinion, regardless of where they live and who they're. But it’s pretty important to tell your experience, to talk about subjects which are taboo issues. Because perhaps you can change the opinion of one person, and help another one with your experience. And that’s it.
It’s better than to keep everything in your head, that will help no one and nothing will change ever. To conclude the whole thing, I think every woman, no matter in which condition, might be status, state or age should have the decision weather she wants to keep the child or not i believe that every woman who did or will do a termination of pregnancy will be fine with it one day. She'll be much much happier when she gets a child with the right requirements at the right time.
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